I had a new breakthrough last night! Mom and I went to Walmart to look at summer clothes because mine are no longer fitting. I am starting to have issues holding some of them up. (What a thing to complain about, right???) Instead of going straight to the plus size section like I always do, I marched my firm behind into the misses section! I tried on a pair of 16 jean shorts and ...... they fit! Honestly they were snug, but they were buttoned, and zipped and I could breath!! I did not buy them, however, because the were short. I felt like my butt cheeks were hanging out. I wear bermudas at the shortest. Even at the gym. I am not ready to make the leap into actual short shorts.
That got me talking with mom about how I will dress once I make my goal. I most definitely do not plan on changing my wardrobe out for a new hoochie-fied one. I realized though, how scared I am of being one of those people with a body image disorder. Even at this point, I have a hard time telling any difference when I look in the mirror or at pictures. I still see the same things. The only reason I am believing the people who say they can tell is because the scale also says it can tell and my butt can no longer hold up my pants. I just don't want to be one of those people who, at like 160lbs, still sees themselves as disgusting and obese. Hmm.
Another huge milestone, is the fact that I have hit the 30lb mark!! I hit a plateau at 25lbs and stayed there for a month. Aaah! That was terrible. I upped my cardio. Instead of doing the circuit before class, I changed to doing some form of cardio for the 30 minutes. I also have really worked on using all of my points. I was having a LOT of trouble using up all of my points in a day. I had gotten in the mindset that if I wasn't hungry I didn't need to eat. That is a good thing, but I was missing something. I spent some time checking out the WW forums and realized that if I make sure that I am meeting all the nutritional guidelines everyday, there is no way I will have points left. (Duh! Why did I not think of that?) So, I'm working on it. Getting in 2 servings of healthy oils is a pain though. They only count pourable oils. Really? Am I supposed to do an olive oil shot every night?
So, all that being said, I broke past the plateau, hit my 10% goal and came out at. 235lbs on Monday. Whew!!!
I am struggling right now, though. I am already dreading next Monday's weigh in. I took a few nights off the gym last week to work on my garden. I really worked hard (I had to completely till the ground) and still got my activity in. I regret it now though, because I have yet to go back to the gym. It was closed Monday for Memorial Day but that was also the day I decided to smash a bowl of boiling oatmeal on my feet and scald them. I have enormous blisters on one foot and am having trouble putting on shoes. Grr. And. I've already dipped way into the weekly extra points. Blech. I want this week to be done. Its disheartening. It makes me scared that this is the point where I will give up. I was just telling Mom how I can't picture myself smaller than I already am. But I know I will pull through. Right?
