Impromptu venting

I am journaling on a Sunday. (Well, technically it is 12am Monday. But I'll let it slide.) This is not my normal Monday, after weigh-in check-in. I was getting ready for bed and was talking to myself.... Yes, I am admitting to talking to myself. BUT, it was silent. No one else heard me being an insane women. And no, I was not answering myself. I guess it was more of a pep talk/chiding.

Ok, enough trying to convince the world that I am not crazy. I'll just get to the real stuff.

I am really really really disappointed with myself. Angry, fed up or disgusted would actually be better words to describe how I feel. I have had such an unmotivated and unproductive week! I can tell you right now that I will not like what I see when I step on that scale tomorrow morning. I not only have used up my daily points and weekly points, but have used up every one of the few activity points that I earned. Honestly, I probably even went over that because I wasn't putting much effort into tracking what and how much I was eating.

I know that down times happen but I feel like I have been in this rut for a long time. I have not turned on the Wii Active for at least two weeks. I've been to the gym 3 times in the last two weeks and that was only for Zumba(one of these times, I didn't even break a sweat b/c I was helping my cousins!). No strength training, no extra cardio.

I HAVE TO, HAVE TO, HAVE TO get my stuff together. I have worked way too hard and for way too long to let it go just because I want to be lazy. I need to make the gym a requirement again. I absolutely have to get my eating in check. I know that it may seem dramatic, but I feel like I have been slipping for such a long time now that it is too late for me to snap out of it.

The last few weeks have been difficult. I've not been working out or eating as well as I should. This week, though? This one blew those out of the water three times over. I have to be a little forgiving of myself and acknowledge the fact that it is a certain week that comes every month. My cravings are always out of control like this and I never seem to be satisfied. I will eat then be hungry again in 30 minutes. I do have hope in the fact that the worst part of that is over for this month. How I handled it this time was inexcusable. I have been working to get healthy and lose weight since at least February. Nature being as it is, I have dealt with this dreaded week 4 times before. I didn't give into my fast food cravings, go over points like a crazy person, stop working out or stop caring about my goals any of those times! This is so irritating!!

I feel like I need someone to come and shake me and tell me to wake up!

When I think about it, the way I feel in my body today is so much better than sitting on my rear watching movies or eating a donut. I feel amazing when I go down another pant size and I have several more to go before this journey is over! I have to realize that I have bad weeks (or months, apparently) and that I am going to be able to get back on track. Really, the weak place I am in now is still 100x better than how I was before I started this battle. If I could get momentum going then, when things were completely out of control, why not now? I already have the tools. I know what it takes. I just need to jump back in.

I have to make it happen this week. I am pledging here, to get back in the game. The excitement, confidence and focus are incredible and I a miss it. It's on!